Cletus T Judd
That Squirrle
Be very very quiet, we are huntin' somethin' Me and Harold Muffert were outdoors men Set in our backwoods ways Both members of the huntin' club Both active in the NRA (National Redneck Association) We scouted a location where we had no doubt We'd kill the biggest buck in the world (About a 34 pointer) Harold waited in his tree stand But all he seen was a squirrel Dang near two weeks since the season started And neither one of us was amused We had on real tree cameo, high-powered ammo But no big game to shoot Then we finally saw a deer as big as a horse Harold had him in his cross hairs (Shoot him!) But that squirrel jumped off of a branch above us And landed in Harold's hair (What is that thing, get it out!) Harold fell off the stand On his head he landed Like a wimp he laid there cryin' Till I climbed on down Picked him up off the ground And it didn't take us long to decide That squirrel had to die Goodbye squirrel, with black-eyed peas You're gonna taste good to me squirrel It's you or me Come on out of that tree squirrel Hey, guess what You've eaten your last nut squirrel Me and Harold went down to the surplus store Bought a keg of dynamite Two baseball bats and a case of M-80's We were in for one heck of a fight (We'll show you) When you're huntin' with dumb and dumber Something's surely bound to go wrong (Now be careful) And when Harold lit that real short fuse I knew it wouldn't be long When the dynamite blew Harold's foot did too And fingers began to fly (Fly, fly) We were barely alive When the Game Warden arrived And much to our surprise That squirrel didn't die (Gosh) Goodbye squirrel Just one more shot You'll be in my crock pot, squirrel You'll make a lunch You overgrown chipmunk, squirrel I'll skin you hide And make a hat when it's dry, squirrel Dadblame Earl, my gosh Ronnie Milsap could shoot better than you You gimme, I said, "Gimme, gimme that gun" Look out, look out, [Incomprehensible] I think I killed somethin' |
My Cell Mate Thinks I'm Sexy
Hi ho Silver, away! After my show thought I'd have a little fun Hopped on a horse Lord he sure could run Well I got a butt kicking when the police finally caught me Give me back my horse Not a moment too soon Tim McGraw jumped in Did his best Jackie Chan got a cop on the chin Now I don't understand why they's arresting me My cellmate thinks I'm sexy I really turn him on He's always staring at me when them guards are gone I'm running out of cigarettes he's asking me to dance He say's I'm looking good in these orange pants I really wish Tim McGraw was here to protect me My cellmate thinks I'm sexy I'd give anything to be back on my bus I'm hiding in my bunk but he's climbing on up Swears all he wants me to do is sing him one of my songs Says he's got a dream I'm afraid of what it is You're never gonna see me on a horse after this I only get one call I hope Faith is home Answer the phone My cellmate thinks I'm sexy he just won't leave me alone He's blowing kisses at me and I'm a duckin' 'em all I hate to break it to him I'm in no mood for romance What part of no don't this fool understand I'm in big trouble if someone don't come and get me My cellmate thinks I'm sexy Well one day behind bars is long enough 'Cause when I drop that soap oh his eyes light up My cellmate thinks I uh My cellmate thinks I'm sexy I really turn him on My name is Kenny Chesney this ain't nowhere I belong Me and Tim's in trouble buddy one thing is for sure George Strait's gonna kick us off his George Strait Tour I'd call Tracy Lawrence but he's in the next cell beside me My cellmate thinks I'm sexy, my cellmate thinks I'm sexy I had him from hello, what's up! How Do You Milk A Cow
Yeah I was always the lazy one, A Southern Californian, But I've got some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line. So this summer just for fun Hopped in my DeLorean And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time. I thought that I would be huntin' and fishin'. I misunderstood him somehow. So far there's nothin' but chores here to mention. I didn't mind feedin the sows. But HOW DO YOU MILK A COW? How do you milk a cow? I wasn't in FFA. This cow must think i'm crazy Up under it this way. I'm sittin' here a pullin', but there ain't nothin' comin' out. Oh E I E I O… How do you milk a cow? Yeah I love it here in Tennesse, But these farmers all make fun of me. Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car. So I got myself a 4 wheel drive, Learned to spotlight deer at night, And I've got shearin' sheep right down to an art. One thing's for sure, I hate shovelin' manure, It gets all over my overalls. Them horses need shoein' I hear Bessie mooin'. So I thought maybe I'd ask you all. HOW DO YOU MILK A COW? How do you milk a cow? I think it's safe to say A man could get arrested for this in LA This heifer must be empty 'cause she ain't puttin out. Oh E I E I O, Tell me how do you milk a cow. (Spoken) This song is absolutely an "udder" disaster. I hope I don't get mad cow diease. How do you milk a cow? I no longer care. I'm gettin sick and tired of smellin' dairy air. I'm headin' back to Cali And I'm turnin' in my plow. Oh E I E I O. How do you milk a cow? |